Mother's needs (part 3)

When Christmas came around, Tatiana was dismayed when she unwrapped two of the large packages under the tree. In one was a new pair of silver colored snow boots, knee high, the exterior made of quilted nylon, and the inside fully lined with faux fur and topped with a fur cuff, very warm and cozy. They were probably even warmer than the ones she already had, but the coldest months of the year were still to come.

The other package had a very long and heavy coat, in a deep burgundy color. I knew that Tatiana knew what coat it was, it was a Canada Goose Mystique. The longest and warmest coat that they made. It was a full length coat reaching down to the ankles, made with a strong outer layer to block the wind,  and plenty of bulky down in the inside quilting to make it toasty. It wasn't cheap, but it was worth ensuring my daughter was warm in the cold Canadian winter.

"I don't think anyone at school is ever going  to be wearing anything as heavy as this, but ohh well, at least the color is pretty..." Tatiana was disappointed, but it was also obvious that she had expected something like this for Christmas.

"Why don't try it on and show your mother how it fits you?"

She stood up and quickly put her arms inside the coat. She stood with her arms slightly lifted.

"It seems too big. And I'm not but a kid anymore. I won't 'grow into it'."

"I know, I got it for you on a bigger size so that you can layer something underneath it. Go grab your short down coat and your snow pants, and try your new coat over them." I could see Tatiana mortified, but she had been raised right and complied with her mother's instructions.

 "Winter is just getting started." I said.

Adding the extra coat on top of everything she normally wore wasn't the easiest adjustment for Tatiana, but I made it obvious for her that I mandated it. She eventually seemed to have gotten used to wearing the layers I imposed on her. It relieved me to see that big burgundy bundle slowly trudging home after school. I knew she was warm and protected underneath.

The first week after the Christmas break Tatiana seemed to be sticking to her dress code. I had enlisted the help of the principal at Tatiana's high school to keep an eye on her. Given our story, she gladly agreed to ensure Tatiana was properly dressed and didn't get sick. Everyday I was confident she was wearing her layers while going to school and while coming back home... until Thursday. Tatiana came into the house holding her new long coat and her snow pants in her hands, she was only wearing her regular down coat. As soon as she stepped into the house she threw them at my feet, and turned around towards her room.

"I just can't... I don't care anymore. I had a horrible day and the last thing I wanted to do was squeeze into those dumb snow pants and that awfully hot coat. Do whatever you feel like doing... I don't care."

I did not bring up Tatiana's transgression that evening, not the following Friday. I did not want her to loose more school. But come Saturday morning, Tatiana was appalled when she come into living room upon waking up.

There was a mummy style sleeping bag with an integrated hood that would leave only the face exposed once the occupant was zipped in.

"Tatiana, you need to follow your mother's rules. You knew you were going to be reprimanded for not following your mother's dress code. Let's do this the easy way..."

"You're... You're going get me inside that monstrous sleeping bag...!?"

"Yes, you're going in one way or another. I want you to really understand that you don't have it that bad with your dress code."

"Ok, let's get it over with... " Tatiana responded. "If this kind of torture is your idea of discipline, so be it."

Tatiana started to try to figure out the sleeping bag, trying to find where to open it and where to slip in her legs.

"Not so fast, young girl. You're not getting off that easy. You're going to get the whole experience during your reprimand. I have already picked a couple of leggings and sweaters, just as if you were going out. And don't worry, I didn't forget to pick a vest for you. Put them on and then go and put on your snow pants, coats (and by that I mean both of them, the short one and the maxi one), gloves, mittens and snow boots. You didn't want to wear them last Thursday? I'll make sure you wear them today."

Tatiana frowned and went to the coat closet to get her things. While she started slipping into her snow pants and down coats, I could see in her face that she was devastated. I had to hold back my tears. I didn't want her to suffer, but also didn't want her to get sick due to the cold.

"I'm done, you can now put me away in that horrendous thing."

"Put up your hoods... Both of them..." I nearly chocked.

After she was fully dressed, I helped her into the sleeping sack, which was lying on the living room sofa. I carefully zipped up the mummy sleeping bag until only her face was visible. It was a tight fit with all of the layers she was wearing underneath. I pulled on the drawstrings to adjust the hood of the sleeping bag to ensure it wouldn't slip of Tatiana's head. It was a very snug fit with both hoods underneath.

Once Tatiana was zipped up in the sleeping bag, I brought out a plastic bag from the hardware store. It contained four thick nylon straps, with ratchet closings. You see, I didn't sew any rings into the sleeping bag, or Tatiana's new long coat. But I still wanted to make sure she would stay put during her discipline.

I wrapped the four straps around Tatiana's body. One around her ankles, the second just above her knees, another one at hip level holding her wrists, and the final one just below her chest, holding her upper arms tight against her body. Between all of the layers she was wearing there was a lot of give to tighten the straps. She was not going anywhere.

Tatiana was completely enclosed and immobile inside the sleeping bag. Only her sweaty face was showing. Struggling against the tight nylon straps going around the sleeping bag was going to get her nowhere.

"After spending some time enclosed in this sleeping bag, your long down coat will feel almost light..."

"This is very uncomfortable..."

"I know dear, but it's important for you to understand that your mother cares about you and needs you to dress warmly in the inclement weather... Breathe slowly and try not to struggle. It will pass easier."

I cannot deny that all of the recent events were beginning to affect me. To share some of my daughter's penitence (or perhaps because I was feeling guilty I was being too harsh), I went to coat closet and took out one of my fur coats... It was going to be a long Saturday.

To be continued...

Urban observations and musings

It was sunny and relatively warm this weekend. Between five and ten degrees Celsius. Not completely out of winter weather, but certainly a bright and nice day. A good day for a run along the lake front park.

As usually when the weather began to turn warmer towards the end of winter you start to see people eager to ditch their winter coats in favor of shorts and T-shirts. You also see people that just by default continue wearing their winter coats, until it's time to put them away for good until the next season.

As I was jogging one lady did catch my attention. She was walking along the lake front, alone, and was wearing a winter coat. It looked like a warm puffy winter coat. Probably a down coat, black, but nothing too extreme, probably reaching down to her hip. And also nothing too different from what other ladies were wearing around her. What did surprise me was that she was wearing not only snow boots, but also snow pants! The snow boots might have been a bit too warm for the weather, but there were a few other ladies also wearing snow boots. But wearing snow pants does seem out of the ordinary. I don't think people just have their snow pants lying around and just pick them up for walk in the part just like you would pick up an old pair of jeans. Wearing snow pants always seemed like a very deliberate decision...

Was this her "walking outfit" during the winter months regardless of how cold or temperate it was?
Or could there be another reason she was wearing such an outfit?

I can only wonder...

But I'm sure she was warm and cozy in her snow boots, snow pants, and puffy winter coat.

Mother's needs (part 2)

... part 1



"...Mother, but most of the kids are still wearing t-shirts and shorts. And you want me walk around wearing snow boots in September?"


"Yes, but they were born here. You were born in a very different place. From now on I also want you to take your down coat and wear your snow boots to school. Here it gets chilly!"



"It's not fair, I'm going to feel humiliated dressed like that!"


"I won't take that tone from you. And because you're so reluctant, I actually expect you to wear your coat to and from school. Go on, put it on..." I threatened her.


Tatiana lowered her head, put her boots and coat on, and headed out the door. I was glad and relieved as I saw her walking away wearing her nice warm snow boots and thick down coat.


Based on my insistence, Tatiana soon started to wear enough layers to keep her warm, specially as she walked to school in the chilly mornings:

- A nice thick down coat, full of warm down to keep her toasty from head to just above the knee. I always insist she that wears it fully zipped and with her hood up, to keep the wind from making her sick.
- Her snow boots. They might get a little too hot for all-day indoor use, and are a bit bulky, but they are real snow boots.
- Leather gloves.
- A warm knit hat.


That many layers might have been too much for when Tatiana came back from school and the day had already warned up, but nonetheless I insisted that she dress warm whenever she went out, whether walking or driving. I made a point of helping her put on her coat, hat, and boots whenever she left for school or when we went out for some errands.


As the weather turned colder, I decided a few more pieces were appropiate. By mid October, Tatiana's regular outfit included:

- A thin turtleneck blouse AND a thick turtleneck sweater.
- A maxi down coat instead of her regular hip length coat. This reached all the way to her ankles, keeping her legs and torso warm.
- A down filled puffer vest. I bought her multiple ones, in various colors and cute patterns to make sure she always had one to wear.
- Down mittens over her leather gloves.
- A thick wool scarf, tightly tied around her neck to keep her coat's hood in place.
- At least two pairs of leggings, or one pair of leggings underneath jeans.
- Insulated snow pants.


Of this outfit, she hated the snow pants the most, and while nobody in school wore anything like that on their day to day, I felt they were important to ward off any drafts that could get in below her long coat. I know that she was overly hot on some of the milder days she walked to school, but discipline is not always easy. However I was a strong believer that she would acclimatize better to her warm clothing if she wore them every day.


And what did I normally wear when going out? At the very least:
- A turtleneck.
- Fur lined leather boots.
- One of my two full length fur coat back from my days in Moscow, which we had been able to have shipped from Ethiopia.
- A warn hat. Normally I wore one of my fur hats, but I also had knit hats for days in which my fur hats proved too hot for comfort.


I won't deny some days it was a struggle to dress like that, but I had to set the example for Tatiana. And besides, working from home I rarely left the house. But just like I imposed on Tatiana, I would dress warmly whenever I went out, even if uncomfortably hot. Tatiana sometimes complained that it wasn't fair that I didn't wear snow pants or a puffy vest underneath my fur coat, so I had to remind her I had been born in Moscow, not Ethiopia. I did compromise with her that would wear my gloves and hat whenever outside.


I would normally take a break from my writing to wait for Tatiana when she was due to come home. I wrote greet her and ask her about her day, while I helped her out her coat, snow pants, and boots. It had become a nice break to the endless writing and editing. One Thursday in late October, as I was looking out the window, I saw Tatiana walk up the steps, while holding her snow pants and coat wrapped up in large bundle in her hands!

As soon as she opened the front door and saw my face, she tried to explain, even though there wasn't anything to explain.

"I'm sorry, mother. I forgot to put my coat on before I got home. I'm so sorry, mother."

"Child, you're not supposed to just put on your coat right before you get home. And your snow pants? You need to put them on before leaving school! That's the whole idea."

"But mother, it's too warm!"

"Nonsense... You need to get used to wearing your clothes and stop complaining. I don't want you to get sick. And from now on, no more games. Now go to your room."

Tatiana dropped her outdoor layers and ran to her room. That night, both her and I remained quiet at night, respectful but quiet.


The next morning, Tatiana got ready for school as usual. Also as usual I helped her put on her snow pants, and the long maxi coat. She was already wearing her leather gloves. She sat down and I helped her lacing her snow boots. I slipped on her thick mittens over her leather gloves, and before Tatiana could notice the modifications I had made to the mittens, I took zip ties and fastened the mittens around her wrists.


"Mother what are doing?" She balked at me, "and what have you done to my mittens? I can't move my thumb." She sounded baffled.


"Dear, your mother needs you to dress warmly, so you with your mittens tied you won't be tempted to remove them. I've also sewed the thumb of your mitten to your palm so that you won't be tempted to tamper with your clothing."


"But what am going to do in school with all of this?"


"Don't worry, I've already called to let them know you won't be attending today."


While Tatiana was still struggling with her mittens, I went ahead and tied zip ties at the top and bottom zipper of her long down coat to metal rings I sewn into the garment. Tatiana wouldn't be able to manipulate the zipper with her hands stuck in the mittens, but I wanted to make sure she stayed put.


"But what am I going to do? I can't even use my hands."


"Yes, I know. This should teach you some patience and submission. The less you move, the less hot and uncomfortable you'll be."


She struggled most of day with her heavy and hot clothes, made even hotter by staying indoors all day (even if our house wasn't kept exceedingly warm). I could see she was distressed, specially in the beginning. She was clearly hot and uncomfortable inside her layers, and I could see sweat dripping from her face. I had to help her go to the restroom, and she struggled to eat with her hands stuck in her mittens, but otherwise she didn't have much to do. I felt bad for her, but I firmly believed it was for her best.


Later in the day, she relaxed and we even spent some time chatting in the afternoon, Tatiana still bundled up just as she had been in the morning. The zip ties and modifications I had made to her mittens and coat worked great.


"I'm going to release you now. But I hope you learned your lesson. If you don't dress properly; yes, as dictated by your mother, you will be disciplined again. Please, remember that your mother needs you to be warm and healthy. The sooner you get used to it, the better."


I started cutting the zip ties that were holding her mittens and coat closed.


"Will I have to keep wearing the mittens with the sewn together fingers?"


"No, silly!" I laughed. "I got you a new pair to wear to school, but I'll keep this pair around in case I need it again. Remember that, my girl!" She laughed coyly with me, and walked over to hug me.


The next day Tatiana was somewhat apprehensive, but did not put any fuzz when I dressed her up for school. She wasn't very happy about wearing the coat that I had sewn the metal rings onto. The rings were not visible, but she felt that she was one step away from being locked into her coat again. I told her it was the only long coat she had, and also the warmest, so she had to just wear it. She was glad that I gave her new regular mittens.


"I expect you to keep yourself bundled up until you reach school, and to bundle yourself up in the same manner when you come back. Snow pants, coat, gloves, mittens, boots, the whole deal. No excuses. Clear?"


"Yes, mother."


I watched as she took off, walking stiffly in her heavy snow boots, snow pants, and winter coat. Her arms slightly raised because of the bulk. "A bit encumbered, but warm, no doubt." I thought.

Mother's needs (part 1)

It's a big change moving to Calgary, Canada from Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. I'm sure it was an even bigger change for my daughter who had been born and raised in Ethiopia. I, on the other hand, was born and raised in Moscow, where I met my husband, a fellow university professor in the literature department. As the USSR pursued it's goal of global communism, it meddled in multiple countries around the world. One of those countries was Ethiopia, where the Soviets were trying to establish a "national democratic" regime, namely a single party regime led by a "workers party". To that end the Soviets contributed massive amounts of military aid. And to counterbalance, they also provided a token of civilian aid. That's how my husband and I ended in Ethiopia. Soon after getting married we gladly signed up to go abroad and help spread the worker's revolution. In the early 70's we left to teach literature at the University at Addis Ababa. That idealism soon turned to cynicism, as we lived a sheltered and privileged life among other Soviet diplomats and high ranking military officers. There was no shortages of luxuries in the Soviet diplomatic compound where we lived, specially compared to the harsh African reality. And in that environment my daughter was born and grew up. My husband and I settled on the comfort of our situation. Besides teaching a token number of classes to justify our tenure, my husband and I focused on our passion: literature. My husband focused on politics, writing articles about communism, while I focused on Russian language romance novels. We both achieved moderate success. My husband's articles being published in major Russian language newspapers around the Soviet sphere of influence. My novels became moderate hits in Russia, feeding the fantasies of the "new woman". Literature, and our new born baby Tatiana, filled our life during the late 70's and most of the 80's. Then in the late 80's the winds of change came and upended the Soviet society. I had stayed mostly isolated of the political climate until one day when Vasily, one of the embassy attaches, and close friend of my husband knocked on my front door, accompanied by Tatiana. Tatiana looked nervous, so I imagined she had gotten in trouble at school. I couldn't have been more wrong.

After sending Tatiana to her room, Vasily spoke with very cold words.

"Natasha, I need you to trust me. For the great appreciation I have always had for your husband and your family since I came to Ethiopia almost a decade ago, I need you to trust me. Your husband had been killed, he was shot during a lecture. Our intelligence agents think it was politically motivated because of your husband's writings. They also think you and your daughter are in imminent danger. Here or anywhere in what's left of the Soviet Union. I cannot help you in any official capacity because the recent changes have left the embassy in disarray. However, there's someone from the Portuguese embassy that has agreed to help you. Yours and your daughter's diplomatic passport have been cancelled, but Joao has agreed to get your temporary asylum papers to board a flight tonight to Lisboa. We must meet him in the airport within an hour. In 30 minutes, someone from the Soviet intelligence section will come to take you into protective custody. I wouldn't trust any of them. I know it's a hard decision. You must trust me."

With barely more than our clothes on my back and a few family photographs, we began the longest journey of our lives.

Portugal denied our application for permanent asylum, due to their diplomatic relations with the troubled Soviet Union, but they did help meditate with other neutral countries. Finally two weeks later we arrived at the Alberta airport, permanent asylum papers in hand. It was late May.

There was one positive twist, as the status of Lenin and Stalin crumbled to the floor. As capitalism rose from the ashes of the Soviet Empire, normal people still longed for the comfort of cheap entertainment to escape their mundane lives. And resourceful entrepreneurs were up to fill that void. Soon after reaching Canada, one such individual contacted me through Portuguese embassy. I had a publisher for my books.

School started early September, and Tatiana had been enrolled as a senior in high school. Luckily Tatiana had learned English (along with Russian) in the school for diplomats back in Addis Ababa. We had barely acquired a small house in a quiet suburban neighborhood, so we were still settling in. 

Tatiana had a hard time adapting, the cultures were very different, and while language wasn't a barrier, the capitalistic lifestyle was very different. The first few days she tried to fit in, but in a matter of a week she retreated to just focus academics and on finishing her schooling. I supported her, and tried to shield her as much as possible from the harsh changes she had just experienced. 

Soon enough the last days off summer passed, and the first day of fall rolled around.

"Mother, where are all my shoes? This is the only pair I could find." Tatiana held her snow boots, which we had purchased soon after arriving in Canada.

"Yes, I have just put away all of your summer shoes. You now only have your winter boots to wear. Your mother just wants to make sure you are warm. You're not used to colder climate."

... part 2